Lydia here. What up, bestie? LOLZ. Anywho, you will NOT believe what just happened. No seriously, you won’t. Have you given up guessing yet? Good. Because I’M GOING TO BRIGHTON AFTER ALL. That’s right, bitches. LYDIA FOR THE WIN!!!
Are you surprised? Because you shouldn’t be. Nothing was going to get between me and a summer filled with hunky soldiers at the beach. NOTHING. My future husband is waiting for me in Brighton and our summer romance/meet-cute is gonnabe EPIC. LOLZ. I’m totes gonna get my flirt on!
How did this happen, you ask, when Papa has been so determined to be a grumpy pants and refused Mama’s, Kitty’s and my best pleading and Lizzie has been trying to hurt morale by comparing us to yowling cats? [Srsly. Yowling cats. WTF Lizzie? What is that even about?] Well, you know my latest BFF, Mrs. Forster? She has invited me as her special friend to join her in Brighton for the summer! YAAAAAAAS! Mama is, of course, over-the-moon excited for me, Jane seemed supportive enough [Shrug. Thanks Jane! Lol] and Kitty is insanely jealous. ROFL. It’s not my fault that I’m more popular than she is and that Mrs. Forster and I are such intimate friends! Seriously though, I do need to see if I can make up with her so that I can borrow her bonnet with the pink ribbon… worst comes to worst, maybe I can “borrow” it without permission. She’d understand later, after she has had some time to clear her head and to realize that her bonnet is ESSENTIAL for my summer romance wardrobe.
Mary, of course, rolled her eyes at me when she heard my news. That’s right. SHE ROLLED HER EYES. AT ME. I literally do not even understand Mary. At all. Don’t get it. But I won’t have to worry about Mary’s judgement for an entire summer because I will be surrounded by loads of fit, handsome soldiers that I daresay I won’t have time to even think about my family! LOL. JK! I promised I’d write heaps of letters. I really will try (if only for the joy of gloating to Kitty), but I’ve never been one for writing letters, especially when there are drool-worthy men to flirt with.
Papa, of course has been very supportive. How could he not be? I have been invited to join the wife of a well-respected colonel in BRIGHTON for the summer. I mean, it’s totes obvs that Lizzie is his favorite [Rude, am I right?] but I think he admires my determination and maturity and that’s why he’s letting me go. Success!
Seriously though, on the Lizzie front, WTF is even going on with that girl? I told her Wickham is single again and she’s all, “Whatever.” Whatever?!? You had a thing but he got engaged to that ghastly girl, but now he’s single again and ready to mingle. Specifically WITH LIZZIE. And then he was chatting her up about her trip and she’s all, “Oh, DARCY improved with better acquaintance.” How could she say that to Wickham after what that douche did to him? I’m pretty positive she’s blown her chances with Wickie. Totes awks. But I will prevail! I will find husbands for all of my sisters (even Mary… Yikes!) because that’s what you gotta do when you’re the youngest and most lovable in the family and you want to get married someday.
I don’t know what I’m going to do about Lizzie though. She has been a total PAIN on the Brighton front. She was a pain when we WEREN’T going and she’s being a pain now that I am! I was walking past Papa’s office to see about grabbing some flowers from the garden to put in my suitcase so that my clothes will smell AMAZING when I unpack in Brighton [Thanks Pinterest!], and I may or may not have dropped some eaves on a convo between Lizzie and the Pops. She was all, “Lydia can’t go to Brighton! She’ll make the family look ridiculous! She’s a super-flirt--” Hells, yeah I am! “—and she’s going to make us the cause of ridicule, just like she already has.” I don’t know what that ‘already has’ business is all about, and apparently neither did Papa, because he was all “Has Lydia scared away some of your suitors? Lol.” And she was all, “No…” but it totally sounded like a “Yes.” Whatever, Lizzie! And Papa was all “Don’t worry, Lizzie. This way Lydia can expose herself in public without inconveniencing us ether financially or socially.” Pfft. Ok, Pops. Permission to live and have some seriously fun times? I’ll take it! At that point the conversation sounded pretty over, so I went on my merry way.
All this to say, part of me doesn’t want to matchmaker for Lizzie because she doesn’t appreciate my obvious talent for it, but the other part of me loves the challenge. Also, I kind of have to get her married so that I can get married because rules are dumb. It would be SO MUCH EASIER if we didn’t have to marry in order of age. Not only do I have to find the perfect soldier with dark curly hair, smoldering eyes, a beautifully tied cravat, and perfect abs underneath his perfectly fitting suit who also happens to be hopelessly and ridiculously in love with me, but I also have to make matches for FOUR sisters. FOUR. Ugh. Life is not fair… but at least there’s Brighton!
Speaking of, I have a bonnet to “borrow.” I think Kitty went for a walk in the garden, so this will probably be my only opportunity before the Forsters and I leave this afternoon! GAHH! I’m SO EXCITED I COULD DIE!!!
Ta and kisses, Diary! The next time we chat, we’ll be beach babes in Brighton. Hells yeah!
Lydia, the hot sister ßLOLZ
Lydia’s Kickass Brighton Playlist is as follows <3:
We are the Champions by Queen
Happy by Parrell Williams
Geronimo by Sheppard
Part of Me by Katy Perry
One Thing by One Direction
Do My Thang by Miley Cyrus
Confident by Demi Lovato
Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO
Bang Bang by Jesse J/Ariana Grande
Ex’s & Oh’s by Elle King
Desperate Measures by Mariana’s Trench
Someone New by Hozier
The Spark by Afrojack/Spree Wilson
Levels by Nick Jonas
We Are Young by 3OH!3
Die Young by Kesha
Animals by Maroon 5
Beta Love by Ra Ra Riot
Girls Chase Boys by Ingrid Michaelson
Wild Ones by Flo Rida/Sia
Fine by Me by Andy Grammer
Show Me What I’m Looking For by Carolina Liars
Show Me Love by Michael Mind Project
Break the Rules by Charlie XCX
Oh No! by Mindy Gledhill
Haven’t Had Enough by Mariana’s Trench
I Don’t Care by Fall Out Boy
Fast in My Car by Paramore
We Can’t Stop by Miley Cyrus
Just Dance by Lady Gaga
Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor
As awkward as it had been, speaking with Wickham after receiving Darcy’s expose letter, Lizzie had to admit, making Wickham uneasy was strangely gratifying, especially now that her new insight into his character allowed her to see the affectation in his personality that before she had somehow missed. She was more than relieved when he left town with his regiment. She hoped that it might prove the last time she would see him. Her comment about Darcy had put him on edge, and thankfully had caused Wickham to stop flirting with her.
While it was gratifying that she no longer had to see Wickham, and the house was quieter without Lydia to beg, plead, shout, and squeal about soldiers, Lizzie found Longbourne a bit duller now. The social events were less varied, and her house felt rather sad between Mrs. Bennet’s gloom and Kitty’s depression at not being in Brighton with Lydia, whose infrequent letters were greatly anticipated, but did not include enough content to satisfy Kitty or Mama. Happily, Lizzie had her tour of the lakes to look forward to with her Uncle and Aunt Gardiner to pull her though the slump, and prior to her departure, the household seemed to have recovered from the “Brighton incident.”
As the trip loomed closer, however, Lizzie’s lake plans fell through. She received (you guessed it!) a LETTER from her aunt, explaining that because of business, Mr. Gardiner would not be able to travel as far as the lakes, so the new plan was to stay in Derbyshire, which, her aunt assured her, would have more than enough to occupy them for three weeks.
Lizzie was a bit bummed, especially since she had made a travel itinerary and had bought a map specifically for the lake country, but she was determined to make the best of the change in plans. A vacation is a vacation, even if the word Derbyshire made Lizzie think of Pemberley.
When at long last the Gardiners arrived, Lizzie was promptly swooped up in their carriage for a whirlwind adventure. Her aunt, passionate about Derbyshire because of the time she had spent living in Lambton, mentioned that Pemberley was very nearby.
“I would love to see Pemberley again! You have heard so much about it, Lizzie. Would you not like to see it too?” Mrs. Gardiner gushed.*
So awkward. Lizzie had no desire to explain to her aunt that she didn’t want to visit the home of the man whose proposal she had refused, so instead she said, “I’m not too excited about seeing another fancy house on this trip, Aunt.”
Mrs. Gardiner would not accept that as an answer. “If it were just the house richly furnished, I would not care for it either, but the grounds are exceptional. They have some of the finest woods in the country!”
While it still struck Lizzie as wrong to visit Pemberley, after making some inquiries she learned that the family would not be home, so at long last, she gave in, and agreed to visit the estate with the Gardiners.
*Historical Interlude: So apparently this is totally a thing that middle-class folks like the Bennets and the Gardiners would do as a vacation--visit the grand estates of people like Mr. Darcy. I don't know that randomly showing up at someone's house and inspecting it is my idea of an incredible vacation, but then again, if the house came with a Mr. Darcy...I might reconsider...
This week's chapters were written by Lydia Bennet herself, our very own Kylie Rose. You can see her this summer in our production of Pride & Prejudice: An Adaptation.
NEXT WEEK: Lizzie Visits Pemberly, And It Is Not Quite As Empty As She Had Hoped...