Mr. and Mrs. Wickham visit Longbourne. They are received about as well as you would expect from a family waiting to hear whether their youngest member has been raped and left destitute, or wedded to an absolute nightmare.
Mrs. Wickham (Lydia) seems to be totally unaware of the awkwardness of the situation. And amazingly, so does Mrs. Bennet, who, just 24 hours earlier, was complaining of "tremblings and spasms all over me" and was convinced that Mr. Bennet was going to have to fight Mr. Wickham and be killed. While they're there, Lydia lets slip that Mr. Darcy was at her wedding. WHHHHAAAAAATTTT????????!!!!!!!! Elizabeth writes to her Aunt Gardiner ASAP and gets the deets, which are: 1. Darcy found Lydia & Wickham. 2. Darcy forced them to marry. 3. Darcy paid off Wickham's debts. 4. Darcy paid Wickham to marry Lydia. And Elizabeth is Flabbergasted, Stunned, Grateful, But Why? For me? Could he have done it for me? If you're thinking that it seems weird that a girl should go all goo goo eyed for a man who just forced her sister to marry a douchebag, remember this: If Lydia doesn't marry Wickham, the scandal lives on, the family reputation is ruined, none of the Bennet girls are deemed eligible to marry, so when Mr. Bennet dies they have no money and all of them will likely be forced into prostitution to survive. Puts it in perspective, eh? So, Lydia & Wickham are married and the family is saved (literally). Thanks to Mr. Darcy. But let's leave that heap of gross undone laundry for a sec and talk about some unmarried people. Namely: Two Bachelors: Mr. Darcy & Mr. Bingley Two Bachelorettes: Elizabeth & Jane Darcy's still got work to do. He did, after all, separate Jane from Bingley and ruin all of her chances with him. Or did he? Well, yes, he did. But after patching up the Wickhams, he grabs Bingley and lays it all out: Dude, I was wrong about Jane. What? She likes you. WHAT??!!! Bingley promptly socks Darcy in the mouth. And all is forgiven. The two bachelors show up at the Bennets house soon after. They have a very awkward dinner with the Bennet family--Mrs. Bennet is Over-The-Top Hostess-of-the-Year, Jane has no idea what to think or say or do or feel and Elizabeth keeps trying to talk to Darcy but is continually thwarted by the aforementioned Hostess of the Year. There are a few of these visits. The ice melts a little....but will it melt enough?* *Alright, horrible button to the end of this chapter. Do forgive the metaphor. :) This week's chapters were written by the director of "Pride & Prejudice: An Adaptation" Caitlin Lushington. NEXT WEEK: Will they or won't they? Is Jangley a thing? And a rumor emerges...
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What was different this month? What was the same? The same this month was that I struggled with keeping my ensos daily. I didn't follow my June goal of writing out a stream-of-consciousness thought rant before watching TV. I did find a couple of moments of mindfulness when going up or down stairs. Mostly, though, mindfulness came when I was in transition--driving the car, walking to my next thing that I had to do, getting ready to rehearse--and I needed a couple of breaths to center myself. So I think that's good. This month was HUGELY packed. All the ensos you see below were very spur of the moment--except for maybe the rainbow one. That one I made after the Orlando shooting. Everything else I made in rehearsal, at work or while filming something for Enso Theatre. I think that's good too. Creating an enso may not be a daily routine yet, but it's certainly an integrated part of my life, which means that when I need it most--that space--I can pretty easily find it. Breathe. Love. Create. Repeat. Follow us on Instagram to see what or who all these ensos are dedicated to! (it might be YOU!) What is #Enso4You? On January 1st of 2016 I set out to create an Enso-a-day for one year. Each Enso is meant to thank a person, place or thing that has inspired me. Every month I check in on this blog to assess the difference this practice is making in my day to day life. An Enso is a symbol created on an exhale of breath which represents a moment when the mind is free, to let the body create. The #enso4you's are posted on Instagram, Twitter, and more rarely, Facebook. CREATE YOUR OWN #ENSO4YOU JOURNEY:
If you would like to make one Enso, or even join me on this wild journey, here are the guidelines I'm following: 1. The Enso can be made out of anything, but it must be made out of things I already own. 2. I will post and update once a month on www.ensotheatre.com/blog. 3. The update will answer the questions: What did you notice before, during and after each Enso was created? What was different? What was the same? Sometimes I use a Sumi-e Board to paint my ensos. All you need is water and a paintbrush, and as soon as you paint your enso, it starts to evaporate and you can paint again. The cheapest one I found is $15, you can get it online here. Leave a comment and/or a picture if you make an enso! I'd love to chat with you about your experience. As always, THANK YOU, for being on the path with me. With love, Caitlin Chapter 49 To give us a (very) brief respite from all the crazy shenanigans of chapters 46-48, Jane opens this chapter with a nice bout of walking. I’ve (Helena Fisher-Welsh, AKA Elizabeth Bennet) talked before about how walking is kinda one of the only things women of this era are allowed to do without needing the permission of some man or another, but to re-encapsulate: Walking is the Jane Austen version of Candy Crush. You know, the thing you do when you need to both clear your mind AND let out a little frustration at the same time. Unfortunately for Elizabeth and Jane, the opening sentence is barely over before their walk is interrupted by a hasty looking housekeeper, asking if they have heard any news from London. Elizabeth expresses that she doesn’t know why they should, when the housekeeper tells them that a letter has arrived from their uncle for their father. What follows is something akin to what a bunch of nerds (myself included) like to call “Scooby-Dooby Doors”, with Jane and Lizzy running about the house and looking in various rooms for the father, only to run in to the butler, who tells them that their father is…..walking!! Outside! Where they just were. So, it’s not exactly like the Scooby-Doo Doors phenomenon. Jane Austen comedy is not quite the same as Hanna-Barbera comedy. However, Austen does mention that Jane, being not quite so used to running as Elizabeth, starts lagging behind as soon as they catch sight of their father, lungs probably on fire from running all about the entire house. She’s also probably limping a little. Having been in Jane’s position quite frequently myself, I find this moment self-deprecatingly funny, with also a dash of schadenfreude because I’ve never had to do that much running in the outfits they wore back then. Can you imagine? Hahahahaha. Elizabeth: (in between breaths) DAD, OH MY GOD. HAVE YOU. HEARD ANYTHING? Mr. Bennet: Well, I’ve definitely heard something. Though what exactly I have heard is anyone’s guess. He gives Lizzy the letter from their uncle to read aloud. Lizzy reads, and the reader discovers that 1. Mr. Gardiner has found Lydia and Wickham in London (Yay!) 2. They are not married (Boo!) 3. Nor does it appear they have any intention to be (BOOOO!) 4. They will be married if Mr. Bennet agrees to a one hundred pound allowance per year for Lydia, as well as her equal share of five thousand pounds (that would go to all the Bennet daughters anyway) after Mr. and Mrs. Bennet are deceased (Wow! Mr. Wickham is a money-grubbing asshole and....probably doesn’t like Lydia all that much? That’s…kinda sad?) 5. Mr. Gardiner has agreed to all these conditions (siiiiiiigh) 6. Mr. Wickham is not as poorly off as he lead everyone to believe! Which means Lydia will have some money from him as well as the money from the Bennet household (Wow!!! What a money-grubbing asshole!) 7. Mr. Gardiner is willing to arrange these things in Mr. Bennet’s place if he gives him permission to do so (That’s nice). Elizabeth: Have you answered the letter yet? Mr. Bennet: Well, no, I-- Elizabeth: Well, do it! Oh my god, what does anyone around here wait so much for!!?! Jane: Dad, really, I’ll do it if you’re not willing-- Mr. Bennet: I’ll do it, I’ll do it! Jeez, give me a second! Elizabeth: I suppose we have to comply with Wickham’s requests. Mr. Bennet: We should consider ourselves lucky that he’s not asking more. Elizabeth: Ugh. Worst in-law ever. Mr. Bennet: I’m more concerned with how much your uncle paid him. Wickham wouldn’t have agreed to so small a sum otherwise! [With extreme sarcasm] “Wickham’s a fool if he takes her for a farthing less than ten thousand pounds. I should be sorry to think so ill of him, in the very beginning of our relationship.” Awesome! Mr. Bennet is now potentially indebted to Mr. Gardiner (family though he may be) to the tune of ten thousand pounds. For reference, that’s roughly £339,600 today, or $450,700. Not to play the Millennial card here, but I could pay off my student loans about 17 times with that money. Lizzy and Jane are of two minds on the situation as regards Lydia, Lizzy thinking that if Lydia is not grateful for what her aunt and uncle have done for her “she will never deserve to be happy” (cold), while Jane thinks they should just forgive and forget (ah, typical Jane). Then they realize that their mother, who has been inhaling so many smelling salts during the past few weeks she’s become a grain of smelling salt, doesn’t know about these turn of events! They take their uncle’s letter up to her to read, and discover that Mary and Kitty are also there, and they can satisfy three birds with one reading. Upon hearing the news, Mrs. Bennet seesaws from abject misery to loud, exuberant joy, not caring at whit of the circumstances that resulted in Lydia getting married in face of the actual fact of marriage. She starts talking in excess about the wedding clothes, and instructs Lizzy to ask her father how many of them he will be granting Lydia for this marvelous occasion. If it wasn’t apparent to the reader before, it’s pretty easy now to see where Lydia gets her tactlessness and short-sightedness from. Anyway, Mrs. Bennet then leaves to essentially brag to all of her family members and neighbors and possibly also to any random person she meets on the street that her youngest daughter is to be married to a [handsome] money-grubbing asshole. Elizabeth, meanwhile, becomes “sick of this folly” and goes to hide in her room (I, too, have done this, usually during Halloween parties). Lizzy reasons with herself that although things didn’t exactly turn out great, they turned out a lot better than expected. The Bennet family should be relieved that Lydia hasn’t been abandoned by Wickham to live out the rest of her life as a fallen woman, and I say that with all due seriousness. As annoying as Lydia is, she’s pretty young still and can be excused for not fully comprehending the fate Wickham could have led her to. Chapter 50 Right away, Austen lays out for us the introverted Mr. Bennet’s true feelings on the matter. He always wished he had set aside an annual sum for his wife and daughters instead of spending it all, and now he wishes it more than ever. Had he done so, Lydia might not be so indebted to Mr. Gardiner, as well as not as willing to marry someone with as dubious a financial situation as Mr. Wickham. He didn’t save the money because, naturally, they were going to have a son, as only sons are born while daughters spring from the ground like little oppressed daffodils. Having a son would take care of that pesky entail problem the readers are now well acquainted with, but instead of literally one son, the Bennet’s had….well, you know. Austen then goes on to add that the Bennet’s would probably be broke had not Mr. Bennet’s economy tempered the lack of it in his wife. Because of all of the above, Mr. Bennet is more than happy to agree to Mr. Gardiner’s proposal. He wants as little to do with the business as possible. He responds to Mr. Gardiner’s letter but is too pissed at Lydia to communicate anything to her. So, whether from bad news traveling quickly or from Mrs. Bennet telling everyone save God, the whole household and soon the whole neighborhood knows about Wickham and Lydia, for better or for worse. The gossips of Longbourne kinda wanted something more dramatic to happen, like Lydia being kept in Wickham’s attic à la Mrs. _____ in some book called J_ne Eyr__ (redacted for spoilers. And I recognize this is an anachronism). As it is, they’re mildly satisfied with the likelihood that she’s married a philandering cad and will be miserable because of that instead. Justice! (?) Mrs. Bennet begins once again to eat dinner downstairs after TWO WEEKS of either a) not eating at all, b) eating her smelling salts, or c) having her food brought to her in bed by a servant who probably had to stay and watch her moan and cry into her Harrico of Mutton. The Brand New Mrs. Bennet talks non-stop throughout dinner of the various silks and carriages and fineries Lydia shall have, as well as the house they will live in, hilariously imagining which one would be perfect for Lydia if only the current occupants would…leave it. Somehow. Like if only they would die. Mr. Bennet says that they’re welcome to whatever house they wish, as long as they never come here.Ouch. Mrs. Bennet: [LOUD, DRAWN OUT GASP] They start to argue about that, and it soon becomes and even BIGGER argument when Mrs. Bennet discovers that her husband will not be advancing any money for Lydia’s new wedding garments. Any. At all. Mrs. Bennet opines that a wedding without wedding clothes is scarcely a wedding at all (Mrs. Bennet has never been to Vegas), and shows more outrage about Lydia’s lack of dresses than the fact that Lydia ran away with a MGA (money grubbing asshole). Lizzy is starting to have capital-R Regrets about letting Mr. Darcy know about Lydia, as had she held off until leaving Pemberley the affair could have been kept in the family—now that he knows, he probably thinks even less of her and her family than she did before (oh, Lizzy). Though she doesn’t think Mr. Darcy will tell everybody or, in fact, anybody who doesn’t need to know (like, god forbid, Caroline), now that he knows Lizzy is to be connected with Mr. Wickham as part of the family, there is no way he would ever align himself with her. (LIZZY….) Just, no way. (Lizzy!!!!) The irony of her never being more willing to marry him, when he would now be so little willing to ask her, is not lost on Elizabeth. She then meditates on how perfect her and Darcy would be as a couple, while two centuries of readers hum their agreement in the background. The temper and disposition of one would temper that of the other. She reasons, not unfoundedly, that she and Darcy would make a much better couple than Lydia and Wickham will, their marriage being based on nothing more than really, realllly powerful infatuation. Which is fine(ish) for our modern world in which quickie divorces are easily(ish) obtained, but…..not so great for anybody who decides to marry on this basis on England, in 1812. Mr. Gardiner writes to Mr. Bennet again, informing him that Mr. Wickham has decided to quit the militia. Mr. Gardiner thought it would be the best for everyone, and “advised” (threatened, I hope) him to do so. Mr. Wickham will go into “the regulars” (the regular army, as opposed to the volunteer based and temporarily active militia). Before they leave for the North, however, where Wickham is to be stationed, Lydia wants to visit Longbourne and her family. Most of the Bennet’s are thrilled at Lydia and Wickham being sent as far away as possible, but Mrs. Bennet lets out another loud, drawn-out gasp, her dream of Wickham and Lydia living in a house within shouting distance shattered to a billion pieces. As for Lydia and Wickham visiting Longbourne, Lizzy and Jane manage to convince her father that it would be irrational to not let them come by even once. It is so agreed upon, even though Wickham is the last person in the world she wants to see. NEXT WEEK: Mr. & Mrs. Wickham Come To Visit and Mr. Darcy...wow, really? HE did that?? For HER??? This week's chapters were written by Helena Fisher-Welsh, who is playing Elizabeth Bennet in our upcoming production! Watch our recent video interview with her here: Chapter 47 After reading through her letters and having a SUPER embarrassing encounter with Darcy, Lizzie was exhausted. Following countless cups of tea to help her to gather her thoughts (and her nerves) she was finally able to broach the subject of The Scandalous Elopement with her aunt and uncle. “With the facts of the situation being what they are,” Uncle Gardiner “I have to agree with Jane on this one. Lydia isn’t alone in this world. I can’t imagine that Wickham would elope with her to take advantage of her when he knows that Lydia has family and friends to look after her. I am inclined to hope for the best—that they are in love and plan to marry.” While a tiny part of Lizzie’s mind was screaming “YOU’RE A MORON, UNCLE! WICKHAM IS BAD NEWS: JUST ASK DARCY!” the fact was, she much preferred her uncle’s optimism, and as much as she doubted Wickham’s intentions were honorable, it made her a little happier to briefly imagine the possibility that they were. Even so, the situation was mind-boggling. Especially the suggestion that they had gone to Scotland, of all places! What is even IN Scotland? Haggis? Thistles? Do they even have tea there? Lizzie shuddered. Imagine a world without tea. How barbaric. “To my mind, it seems most logical that they’ve hidden themselves away in London. They can’t have much money between the two of them, and it would be easier to get married cheaply in London than it would in Scotland.” “Even so, Uncle, I still don’t see why their wedding has to be in secret! I have heard it said that Wickham cannot afford to marry a woman without money, and Lydia has nothing to offer him in that regard.” Uncle Gardiner frowned. “Do you think so little of Lydia that she would live with him on any terms other than marriage?” “I don’t know. Lydia is a young, impulsive romantic, and for the past year the only thing she has been doing is partying and flirting. Who knows what warped logic she has at this point!” Thinking about Lydia’s naivety and the consequences this stupid decision would have on her youngest sister’s life made Lizzie’s blood boil. Lizzie began to blame herself. She knew that Lydia couldn’t be trusted alone with a camp full of soldiers. She should have pushed her father more to keep Lydia at home. She also knew the horrible deeds Wickham had been accused of by Mr. Darcy; she should have made her family aware of Wickham’s true character rather than keeping that knowledge to herself. True, when Lydia left for Brighton, Lizzie had no idea that Wickham and Lydia might be fond of one another, but as an older sister, was it not her duty to look after her younger siblings and keep them out of danger? Surely Lydia wouldn’t be so fooling as to run off with Wickham if she knew of his history… or would she? This chaotic whirlwind of guilt and anger occupied Lizzie’s mind for most of the trip back to Longbourne. Thankfully Jane was ready and waiting to meet Lizzie and update her on all of the goings on. “Papa has arrived safely into town, but has nothing significant to report. Mama, as you may have guessed, is a hot mess, poor dear.” Jane’s comment was accentuated by a harsh wail from the direction of their mother’s bedroom. Further questioning of Jane revealed that there was no news, although Jane remained hopeful that the situation would all turn out for the best. Thankfully out of the goodness of his heart, Uncle Gardiner offered to assist as best he could in the search. After WAY too much waiting, news arrived at last, in the form of Lydia’s farewell letter, which Colonel Forester had sent along to Uncle Gardiner: My Dear Harriet, What up? Lolz. You’re probably wondering where I am, right? Well, here’s the dealio (I’m letting you know first because you are my BFF): I am going to Gretna Green with the only man that I love (and if you don’t know who I mean, I will be totes ashamed of you!). I am redonkulously happy! Also, don’t tell my family because I want to imagine the look on their faces when I write to them and sign my name: Lydia Wickham. It will be such a scream!! I can hardly write for laughing! Also, do tell Sally to mend the tear in my dress – she knows the one I mean—and let Pratt know that I’m sorry I had to break my promise to dance with him tonight, but that I’ll catch him at the next ball! Your Bestie, Lydia Upon reading the letter, Mrs. Bennet, understandably, had a fit of hysterics and the Bennett household flew into an uproar once more. Chapter 48 Mr. Bennett had always been a man of few words: a quality which the Bennett family usually did not mind, but in light of the Lydia drama, it proved infuriating. The more that Wickham was scrutinized, the more moneylenders Mr. Bennett and Mr. Gardiner discovered. The two men came to the inevitable conclusion that Wickham was a wicked man indeed. In spite of all of this chaos, they seemed to be making little progress in locating Lydia and Wickham. Just when you thought the situation couldn’t become more stressful for the Bennett family, they received a mortifying letter from Mr. Collins intended for Mr. Bennett: Dear Sir, Because we are family I felt the need to send my condolences for the current trial you are enduring. You have my deepest sympathy during this trying time. Indeed, your daughter’s death would be a blessing in comparison to this. It is even more to be lamented because, my dear Charlotte inform me, his licentiousness of behavior in your daughter comes from a faulty degree of indulgence of yourself and Mrs. Bennett. In spite of this, you are grievously to be pitied, and Mrs. Collins, Lady Catherine, and her daughter agree with me that this injurious act of your daughter will harm the fortunes of your other daughters as well. This consideration does lead me to reflect with augmented satisfaction on certain events of last November, for had it been otherwise, I might have been involved in all of your sorrow and disgrace. Let me advise you, dear sir, to console yourself as much as possible and cut all connections with your child and leave her to suffer the consequences of her actions. -Mr. Collins This, of course, did not go over well in the Bennett household, and Mrs. Bennett, who had already worried herself sick over the possibility of Mr. Bennett being killed in an imaginary duel with Wickham was beside herself. At long last, Mr. Bennett returned home, feeling sufficiently guilty and wearied by fruitless searching. “You were right to warn me, Lizzie. Your advice showed greatness of mind… if only I had listened!” “Do not blame yourself, Papa. There was no way for us to know that this would happen!” “I might as well lock myself away in my room, like you dear Mother is doing. Add a little elegance to our misfortunate by giving as much trouble as I can until Kitty decides to run away.” Kitty sniffed indignantly, “I am not going to run away Papa. If I were to go to Brighton I would behave much better than Lydia!” Incensed, Mr. Bennett lost his shit. “YOU go to Brighton? Not going to happen. I have learned my lesson, Kitty. No officer is to ever enter my house again or even to pass through the village. Balls are a no-go unless you stand up with one of your sisters, and you are not allowed outdoors unless you have proven that you have spent ten minutes of every day in a rational matter.” Understandably, Kitty burst into tears. “There, there, Kitty. Do not make yourself unhappy. If you’re a good girl for the next ten years I’ll reconsider my position.”
This week's chapters were written by Miss Lydia Bennet herself, Kylie Rose. NEXT WEEK: How To Marry Off Your Insane Psycho Youngest Daughter--just add Darcy! Chapter 43
*Sigh* Let’s get this over with. The only reason I’m doing this is because we need someone sensible and impartial to talk this over with you, so of course it falls to me, Mary. With Elizabeth occupied with Darcy, Jane starstruck by Bingley, and god knows what Kitty and Lydia are up to, I had to step in. Important gossip that I-know-but-don’t-care-about: Darcy proposed and was refused by Lizzie, because he was a jerk - or so she thought. Whereas in reality, he was just trying to be a good friend and look out for the people he cared about blah blah blah. So now Lizzie is falling in love with this man that she barely knows (I get it, she hasn’t realized it yet, but come on, it’s obvious). Now that we’re all caught up, Lizzie (it’s just all about her isn’t it?) was in a sour mood so our Aunt and Uncle (the Gardiners) took her for a road trip. In their high spirits they decided to pay a visit to Pemberley (You know, the place where Lizzie’s non-existant ex lives? Great plan, guys). Luckily Mr. Darcy seemed to be out for the moment, so Liz was free to drool over statues, paintings and busts of him. All the while the-best-wingman-ever AKA the housekeeper is talking Darcy waay up. All about how kind-hearted he is and how handsome--of course Liz agrees (if you’re in to that whole brooding man-who-quietly-nurses-injured-deer-back-to-life-in-his-spare-time kind of guy). And to top it off, Darcy's a sweet older brother. How much cuter can you get? I mean...whatever. Really if Darcy wanted to win Elizabeth over, he should have just invited her for a visit of his estates and let his housekeeper talk to her. That’s how any sensible man would go about it. After they’re done inspecting all of the paintings inside they go to see the gardens--I mean why not? You’re with the GARDINers after all (sorry not sorry). They’ve been told Mr. Darcy is out but when they go to see the grounds, suddenly he rounds a corner and there is an instant look and blush shared between Darcy and Liz (Ew I sound like Kitty). Annnd that’s when it gets a bit awkward. I mean, suddenly seeing the person who you proposed to and was venomously refused by is not the best surprise for either party. Especially since they’re both in love with each other. God, it’s such a headache to think about, why do people fall in love anyway? Such a waste of time. Anyway, after some of the most painfully awkward moments of their lives, Darcy makes his hasty exit. Honestly, she ran the risk of seeing him when she decided to GO TO HIS HOUSE, think things through Lizzie-COME ON! They continue to look at the grounds but really Liz just wants to go home, it’s been a weird day. Mr. Gardiner, however, is preoccupied by fish (??!!) and they make slow progress back to the carriage. Suddenly, Mr. Darcy appears again and they make the awkward introductions that they missed the last time--Aunt and Uncle, meet The Man I Rejected But Now Realize How Totally Awesome His House Is. Darcy proceeds to walk them back to the house and is surprisingly civil, going out of his way to invite Mr. Gardiner fishing. Lizzie is lost in thoughts of ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ (Barf) and doesn’t contribute to the conversation much. They end up walking next to each other and she explains that she had no idea he would be here today (wow everything about this is painfully awkward). The conversation turns to him, and he asks if he can introduce her to Miss Georgiana Darcy, I mean how can you refuse? While they had been talking, they made it to the carriage and have to wait AGAIN (in yet another awkward silence) for Mr. and Ms. Gardiner to catch up. Once they're in the carriage, Mrs. Gardiner grills Lizzie about why she thought Mr. Darcy was disagreeable in the slightest, seeing as he has shown perfect composure and politeness. I don’t think Lizzie admitted anything, just sat quietly and let them decide their own minds about him. Well then, there you have it. It’s sickening how much Lizzie’s life resembles a romance novel, isn’t it? I believe that’s all the awkwardness I can handle for today. Have fun, be sensible, goodbye. -Mary Bennet CHAPTERS 44, 45, 46 Well I’m back, by popular demand. Not really, but I can pretend can’t I? Kitty is sulking, Lidia is unfortunately flirting, Lizzie is *too* busy being the main character, and Jane is staring dreamily at our ginger cat, so it’s up to me to update you. I was also informed I needed to “Jazz it up” (Kitty’s words, not mine) so here it goes. We last left off with Lizzie having one of the most awkward days imaginable and now I’m here for round 2. Let’s see if we can beat it, Shall we? *DING DING* In our right corner we have our five time champion Lizzie Bennet, what with (1) refusing a man, then (2) showing up unannounced at his house to drool at statues of him, then (3) SURPRISE seeing him at his own house and (4) being caught mid drool, and then (5) the multiple stiff silences exchanged between the two. Aaand in our left corner we have the original tall - dark - and - handsome himself misssttteerr Darcy! Those brooding looks gave away no feeling before he proposed to the woman of his dreams--while also insulting her family and admitting to keeping her sister from happiness--and guess what? got rejected! His heart still longs for her but will she ever love him back?? Here we go. (Is this ‘Jazzy’ enough for you?) Alright, so Darcy has asked to introduce Elizabeth to his younger sister Georgiana. Lizzy said yes and that they should come the day after she gets back from Pemberley--BUT they arrive sooner than intended (AWK point = 1 Darcy). Lizzy comes to like Georgiana--even though she’s pretty shy. Soon Bingley joins them and she also determines that he is still at least a tiny bit in love with Jane (Very good, very good). And I mean at this point it’s pretty obvious that Darcy is in love with Elizabeth, the Gardiners see it right away and when Darcy invited her to dine with them the following night they are *quite* supportive. The next day Lizzie and Ms. Gardiner go to visit Georgiana and run into Bingley's sisters (AWK point = 1 Lizzie). Who, might I add, are very insensitive to common decencies, they tried to talk about Wickham in front of Georgiana--You know the guy shE ALMOST RAN AWAY AND ELOPED WITH. Whoa. Sorry, that just seems super rude, even if you only wanted to take a jab at Elizabeth. And she continues to try throughout the night! Miss Bingley brings up later to Darcy how he used to not favor her looks but boy does she get shot down. With a cold look and a quick comment of she is ‘one of *the* most handsome women I know’ pretty much silenced her after that. (Hehe, take that!) (~Calm down Mary~) (Why can’t I get enough of this stuff?) OK, so with the Bingley lady’s pity party over, Lizzie heads back to the Inn but life can’t be normal, can it? Let me set this up as a joke: Lizzie walks into an Inn and finds two letters one detailing her sister eloping with a man she once fancied (AWK point = 1 Lizzie) and also knows to be a disgusting human being and one saying there has been no words since they ran away. Hilarious. Being the sensible girl she is, she goes to get our aunt and uncle’s help only to run into the man of the hour Darcy. She tells him everything (Because they’re close now, right?) and in the classic Darcy/Lizzie response they both blame themselves for other people’s misfortunes (I ship it). Lizzie packs her things, apologizing profusely for ruining her dinner date with Miss Darcy (I mean Georgiana, I’m not that sassy). So update: Kitty is sulking, Lidia is god knows where, Lizzie is still *too* busy being the main character, and Jane is...well--nevermind. It’s still up to me but I really need a break. I can’t deal with all these other people’s problems! It’s ridiculous! My nerves are shot! O.h. g.o.d. I sound like my mother. --Mary P.S. Darcy 1 Lizzie 2 This week's chapters were written by our very own Katie McFarland, who will be playing Mary Bennet in our upcoming production. NEXT WEEK: The search for Lydia & Wickham continues as public opinion turns against Wicked Wickham. What was different this month? What was the same? And just when I think I've got a good hold on how to make this a regular practice...May hits. How??!! WHY??!! Why is it so hard to do something every day? This thing literally takes 30 seconds, and frequently less, to create. Why is it so hard to create a habitual practice that takes so little time? It must not have anything to do with the time it takes to do the practice. Which means that it would be equally hard to make a 20-minute meditation practice a regular, every day thing. Maybe it has to do with priority? On days when I feel good, the #enso4you practice, and my meditation practice, do not take priority. I'm fine, I think, so why do I need to take time for myself today? Sheesh, it sounds so weird when I actually write it out. Taking space, taking time for oneself, that should be equivalent to needing to drink water every day. It SHOULD BE, so why is it NOT? There are other things that pose as self-love time that are easier to do and less scary. Television. Reading Facebook. I've associated "relaxation" with TV and couches and blankets since I was a kid. But it's not like my brain is easing up on the churning of the to-do list while I'm watching TV, it's just putting it on mute. As soon as the TV is gone, the thoughts are back. And honestly, I never really feel "relaxed" after watching TV--frequently I just feel bad about all the things I didn't do that I should have been doing while I was watching TV. So maybe, relaxation, for me, isn't about ignoring the churning to-do list. It's there. I need to recognize it. What if every time I watched a TV show, (because dude, I am NOT giving up Archer...or Doctor Who...or Grantchester) I took a moment to breathe, watch those worried thoughts race around, listen to the things I think that I should be doing, and write them down? I wonder if the act of writing them in that moment will help me to be present in this nice, relaxing moment of watching Archer get yelled at by Lana...again. I already do this to some extent. I am a chronic List-Maker. But maybe it's important that this happens before I'm about to let myself off the hook for a while. There's this other practice I've been thinking about recently and considering putting into implementation: Monks at a Buddhist temple would give themselves a cue that happens in daily life as a reminder to take a moment of mindfulness. For one Monk, it was a "bell"--which could literally mean, a bell, but it could also mean a cellphone ring, a bird chirping, a doorbell. And anytime he heard it, he would stop, take a small breath, check in, and keep going. Alright, June Goals: 1. Write out to-do/Stream-of-Consciousness thoughts for 30 seconds before watching TV. 2. Take a moment of mindfulness every time I go up or down stairs.
What is #Enso4You? On January 1st of 2016 I set out to create an Enso-a-day for one year. Each Enso is meant to thank a person, place or thing that has inspired me. Every month I check in on this blog to assess the difference this practice is making in my day to day life. An Enso is a symbol created on an exhale of breath which represents a moment when the mind is free, to let the body create. The #enso4you's are posted on Instagram, Twitter, and more rarely, Facebook. CREATE YOUR OWN #ENSO4YOU JOURNEY:
If you would like to make one Enso, or even join me on this wild journey, here are the guidelines I'm following: 1. The Enso can be made out of anything, but it must be made out of things I already own. 2. I will post and update once a month on www.ensotheatre.com/blog. 3. The update will answer the questions: What did you notice before, during and after each Enso was created? What was different? What was the same? Sometimes I use a Sumi-e Board to paint my ensos. All you need is water and a paintbrush, and as soon as you paint your enso, it starts to evaporate and you can paint again. The cheapest one I found is $15, you can get it online here. Leave a comment and/or a picture if you make an enso! I'd love to chat with you about your experience. As always, THANK YOU, for being on the path with me. With love, Caitlin CHAPTER 41 Dear Diary, Lydia here. What up, bestie? LOLZ. Anywho, you will NOT believe what just happened. No seriously, you won’t. Have you given up guessing yet? Good. Because I’M GOING TO BRIGHTON AFTER ALL. That’s right, bitches. LYDIA FOR THE WIN!!! Are you surprised? Because you shouldn’t be. Nothing was going to get between me and a summer filled with hunky soldiers at the beach. NOTHING. My future husband is waiting for me in Brighton and our summer romance/meet-cute is gonnabe EPIC. LOLZ. I’m totes gonna get my flirt on! How did this happen, you ask, when Papa has been so determined to be a grumpy pants and refused Mama’s, Kitty’s and my best pleading and Lizzie has been trying to hurt morale by comparing us to yowling cats? [Srsly. Yowling cats. WTF Lizzie? What is that even about?] Well, you know my latest BFF, Mrs. Forster? She has invited me as her special friend to join her in Brighton for the summer! YAAAAAAAS! Mama is, of course, over-the-moon excited for me, Jane seemed supportive enough [Shrug. Thanks Jane! Lol] and Kitty is insanely jealous. ROFL. It’s not my fault that I’m more popular than she is and that Mrs. Forster and I are such intimate friends! Seriously though, I do need to see if I can make up with her so that I can borrow her bonnet with the pink ribbon… worst comes to worst, maybe I can “borrow” it without permission. She’d understand later, after she has had some time to clear her head and to realize that her bonnet is ESSENTIAL for my summer romance wardrobe. Mary, of course, rolled her eyes at me when she heard my news. That’s right. SHE ROLLED HER EYES. AT ME. I literally do not even understand Mary. At all. Don’t get it. But I won’t have to worry about Mary’s judgement for an entire summer because I will be surrounded by loads of fit, handsome soldiers that I daresay I won’t have time to even think about my family! LOL. JK! I promised I’d write heaps of letters. I really will try (if only for the joy of gloating to Kitty), but I’ve never been one for writing letters, especially when there are drool-worthy men to flirt with. Papa, of course has been very supportive. How could he not be? I have been invited to join the wife of a well-respected colonel in BRIGHTON for the summer. I mean, it’s totes obvs that Lizzie is his favorite [Rude, am I right?] but I think he admires my determination and maturity and that’s why he’s letting me go. Success! Seriously though, on the Lizzie front, WTF is even going on with that girl? I told her Wickham is single again and she’s all, “Whatever.” Whatever?!? You had a thing but he got engaged to that ghastly girl, but now he’s single again and ready to mingle. Specifically WITH LIZZIE. And then he was chatting her up about her trip and she’s all, “Oh, DARCY improved with better acquaintance.” How could she say that to Wickham after what that douche did to him? I’m pretty positive she’s blown her chances with Wickie. Totes awks. But I will prevail! I will find husbands for all of my sisters (even Mary… Yikes!) because that’s what you gotta do when you’re the youngest and most lovable in the family and you want to get married someday. I don’t know what I’m going to do about Lizzie though. She has been a total PAIN on the Brighton front. She was a pain when we WEREN’T going and she’s being a pain now that I am! I was walking past Papa’s office to see about grabbing some flowers from the garden to put in my suitcase so that my clothes will smell AMAZING when I unpack in Brighton [Thanks Pinterest!], and I may or may not have dropped some eaves on a convo between Lizzie and the Pops. She was all, “Lydia can’t go to Brighton! She’ll make the family look ridiculous! She’s a super-flirt--” Hells, yeah I am! “—and she’s going to make us the cause of ridicule, just like she already has.” I don’t know what that ‘already has’ business is all about, and apparently neither did Papa, because he was all “Has Lydia scared away some of your suitors? Lol.” And she was all, “No…” but it totally sounded like a “Yes.” Whatever, Lizzie! And Papa was all “Don’t worry, Lizzie. This way Lydia can expose herself in public without inconveniencing us ether financially or socially.” Pfft. Ok, Pops. Permission to live and have some seriously fun times? I’ll take it! At that point the conversation sounded pretty over, so I went on my merry way. All this to say, part of me doesn’t want to matchmaker for Lizzie because she doesn’t appreciate my obvious talent for it, but the other part of me loves the challenge. Also, I kind of have to get her married so that I can get married because rules are dumb. It would be SO MUCH EASIER if we didn’t have to marry in order of age. Not only do I have to find the perfect soldier with dark curly hair, smoldering eyes, a beautifully tied cravat, and perfect abs underneath his perfectly fitting suit who also happens to be hopelessly and ridiculously in love with me, but I also have to make matches for FOUR sisters. FOUR. Ugh. Life is not fair… but at least there’s Brighton! Speaking of, I have a bonnet to “borrow.” I think Kitty went for a walk in the garden, so this will probably be my only opportunity before the Forsters and I leave this afternoon! GAHH! I’m SO EXCITED I COULD DIE!!! Ta and kisses, Diary! The next time we chat, we’ll be beach babes in Brighton. Hells yeah! Lydia, the hot sister ßLOLZ XOXO P.S. Lydia’s Kickass Brighton Playlist is as follows <3: We are the Champions by Queen Happy by Parrell Williams Geronimo by Sheppard Part of Me by Katy Perry One Thing by One Direction Do My Thang by Miley Cyrus Confident by Demi Lovato Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO Bang Bang by Jesse J/Ariana Grande Ex’s & Oh’s by Elle King Desperate Measures by Mariana’s Trench Someone New by Hozier The Spark by Afrojack/Spree Wilson Levels by Nick Jonas We Are Young by 3OH!3 Die Young by Kesha Animals by Maroon 5 Beta Love by Ra Ra Riot Girls Chase Boys by Ingrid Michaelson Wild Ones by Flo Rida/Sia Fine by Me by Andy Grammer Show Me What I’m Looking For by Carolina Liars Show Me Love by Michael Mind Project Break the Rules by Charlie XCX Oh No! by Mindy Gledhill Haven’t Had Enough by Mariana’s Trench I Don’t Care by Fall Out Boy Fast in My Car by Paramore We Can’t Stop by Miley Cyrus Just Dance by Lady Gaga Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor CHAPTER 42
As awkward as it had been, speaking with Wickham after receiving Darcy’s expose letter, Lizzie had to admit, making Wickham uneasy was strangely gratifying, especially now that her new insight into his character allowed her to see the affectation in his personality that before she had somehow missed. She was more than relieved when he left town with his regiment. She hoped that it might prove the last time she would see him. Her comment about Darcy had put him on edge, and thankfully had caused Wickham to stop flirting with her. While it was gratifying that she no longer had to see Wickham, and the house was quieter without Lydia to beg, plead, shout, and squeal about soldiers, Lizzie found Longbourne a bit duller now. The social events were less varied, and her house felt rather sad between Mrs. Bennet’s gloom and Kitty’s depression at not being in Brighton with Lydia, whose infrequent letters were greatly anticipated, but did not include enough content to satisfy Kitty or Mama. Happily, Lizzie had her tour of the lakes to look forward to with her Uncle and Aunt Gardiner to pull her though the slump, and prior to her departure, the household seemed to have recovered from the “Brighton incident.” As the trip loomed closer, however, Lizzie’s lake plans fell through. She received (you guessed it!) a LETTER from her aunt, explaining that because of business, Mr. Gardiner would not be able to travel as far as the lakes, so the new plan was to stay in Derbyshire, which, her aunt assured her, would have more than enough to occupy them for three weeks. Lizzie was a bit bummed, especially since she had made a travel itinerary and had bought a map specifically for the lake country, but she was determined to make the best of the change in plans. A vacation is a vacation, even if the word Derbyshire made Lizzie think of Pemberley. When at long last the Gardiners arrived, Lizzie was promptly swooped up in their carriage for a whirlwind adventure. Her aunt, passionate about Derbyshire because of the time she had spent living in Lambton, mentioned that Pemberley was very nearby. “I would love to see Pemberley again! You have heard so much about it, Lizzie. Would you not like to see it too?” Mrs. Gardiner gushed.* So awkward. Lizzie had no desire to explain to her aunt that she didn’t want to visit the home of the man whose proposal she had refused, so instead she said, “I’m not too excited about seeing another fancy house on this trip, Aunt.” Mrs. Gardiner would not accept that as an answer. “If it were just the house richly furnished, I would not care for it either, but the grounds are exceptional. They have some of the finest woods in the country!” While it still struck Lizzie as wrong to visit Pemberley, after making some inquiries she learned that the family would not be home, so at long last, she gave in, and agreed to visit the estate with the Gardiners. *Historical Interlude: So apparently this is totally a thing that middle-class folks like the Bennets and the Gardiners would do as a vacation--visit the grand estates of people like Mr. Darcy. I don't know that randomly showing up at someone's house and inspecting it is my idea of an incredible vacation, but then again, if the house came with a Mr. Darcy...I might reconsider... This week's chapters were written by Lydia Bennet herself, our very own Kylie Rose. You can see her this summer in our production of Pride & Prejudice: An Adaptation. NEXT WEEK: Lizzie Visits Pemberly, And It Is Not Quite As Empty As She Had Hoped... CHAPTER 40 At long last, Lizzie was able to corner Jane for some healthy soul-baring sister talk. Plus cupcakes, because sister talks. “So this thing happened, Jane…” “Thing?” Jane munches a cupcake, “What sort of thing?” “Darcy proposed in a really insulting way, so I refused him” “Mmrph!” Jane spewed cupcake crumbs over the bedspread. “What?” “I know…” “He must feel so bad! Poor man, to confess his feelings in such an unappealing way…” “What’s worse, is that he wrote me a letter to explain himself and it turns out that Wickham is a total toolbag because he tried to elope with Darcy’s sister, and Darcy may not be that bad of a person after all.” “Oh goodness. I’m so glad to hear that your opinion of Darcy has changed. I knew he was good at heart! But I’m sure Wickham isn’t all that bad… he’s always very nice. I’m sure there has been some misunderstanding. I know that he’s very kind to animals. He can’t be that bad of a person, can he?” Lizzie takes a dab of cupcake frosting on her finger. “Jane, you can’t make them both good. Between the two of them there is only enough goodness for one person, and I’m inclined to believe that person is Mr. Darcy.” She boops Jane on the nose. Disgruntled, Jane wipes the frosting off in disgust. “Oh Lizzie-- ” “So it turns out that one of them got all of the goodness, and the other all of the appearance of goodness.” “Lizzie, that is unkind. You can’t have been so silly about the letter when you first read it.” Lizzie shrugs. “I wasn’t because it turns out Darcy is actually a really cool guy, and because I was so wrapped up in myself I didn’t realize it. I took everything at face value and now I’m been a complete jerk to him. How I wished you were there, Jane!” *Insert sisterly hug of comfort here* After further cupcakes, a promise of locked lips and secrecy, and a brief pillow fight that ended in a tie, Lizzie’s heart finally felt at rest. The Darcy’s secrets had worn on her mind overmuch, and having the opportunity to confide in someone lifted Lizzie’s spirits. Even so, she could not bring herself to tell Jane the role Darcy had played in the Jangley breakup. She resolved to tell Jane of her knowledge only in the unlikely event that Jangley was reunited. No sense in distressing Jane when her sister was clearly OVER Bingley. Mrs. Bennet, however, was not. “What do you think of this sad business of Jane’s, hmm?” “Well, Mama…” “I daresay, I’m certainly not going to speak of the matter any longer; I was just telling my sister Mrs. Philips this the other day! And everyone I’ve talked with mentioned that he’s not going to come to Netherfield in the summer. What do you say to that?” “I do not think he will live at Netherfield any longer.” Mrs. Bennet pursed her lips. “It is just as he chooses. Nobody wants him to come. I will always say that he has treated my Jane very poorly, and when she dies of a broken heart… then he’ll be sorry for what he has done.” In that moment, having no idea how to respond, Lizzie had a great desire to learn how to make cricket noises. “And so,” Mrs. Bennet continued “the Collinses live very comfortably, do they? Well. I only hope it will last. I’m sure Charlotte is an excellent manager—“ “She is indeed, Mama—“ “Well, much good may it do them. I’m sure they often talk about having Longbourne when your father is dead. They look on it as quite their own, I dare say, whenever that happens—“ “I promise, they never discussed the matter in front of me-- ” Mrs. Bennet sniffed. “It would be very strange if they had! I have no doubt they talk about it often between themselves. Well, if they can be so easy with an estate that is not lawfully their own, so much the better. I would be positively ashamed of having an estate that was only entailed upon me. ASHAMED!” This week's chapter was written by one of our all-time heroes, Kylie Rose. She's playing Lydia Bennet in our upcoming production. NEXT WEEK: What Happens in Brighton, Stays In Brighton...right?? Plus, FIELD TRIP TO PEMBERLEY!! Cupcakes for Rainy Days Nutella Cheesecake CupcakesPrep Time: 30 minutes
Cook Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 4 hours, 30 minutes Yield: 12 cupcakes Ingredients For the topping
Chapter 37 Darcy and Colonel Fitz OUT! No, seriously. They left. Lady Catherine was very "put out,” and required much of Mr. Collin’s attention to recover from their departure. This of course meant that inevitably Lizzie found herself at a dinner party at Lady C’s honoring the two absent gentlemen. “I don’t think anyone could feel their absence more strongly than I! Truly, I don’t.” Lizzie nodded supportively, as was expected, even though she was convinced that her own gratitude that Darcy and the Colonel were gone could contest Lady C’s grief. Eagle-eyed, Lady Catherine observed Lizzie’s internal turmoil. “You seem quite out of spirits Miss Bennet. It must be because you are leaving Rosings. Oh! You must write your parents and let them know you must stay awhile longer.” A verbal tug of war ensued: “Oh, Lady Catherine, thank you so much for the invitation, but I really must be home on Saturday.” Yank. Two points to Elizabeth for her delicate refusal! “But you have only been here six weeks and I expected you for two months. Surely your mother can spare you for a while longer. There is no good reason for you to leave now.” Gritting her teeth, Lady C stands firm and pulls furiously, much like a small but ferocious lap dog. Four points to Lady Catherine! Gahhh! Think Lizzie, think! “My mother may be able to spare me, but my father cannot!” Tug. Two points to Lizzie! It’s a tie now! Who will pull ahead? “If your mother can spare you, your father definitely can. Daughters are never of much consequence to fathers.” Yank. A painfully sexist point for Lady Catherine! Will she be able to keep her lead? “Besides, if you stay for a month I will take you to London.” The carrot dangles. Lizzie pretends to consider it. “You really are too kind, but I believe we must abide by our original plan, Lady Catherine.” OHHH SNAP! 3 points for Lizzie! Victory for the Bennett sister! In the tug of war power play, Lizzie reigns supreme although she is unable to leave before hearing an unholy amount of travel advice from Lady Catherine. While she certainly didn’t enjoy hearing all of the nonsense on the proper way to fold a handkerchief in a suitcase, Lizzie was grateful for the distraction. Whenever she had a moment of solitude, her mind wandered back to Darcy’s letter and his comments about her family. It was like trying to ignore a sliver in your finger. Torturous. Almost as torturous as Mr. Collins’s “goodbye breakfast” with Lizzie. Chapter 38 “Miss Elizabeth, I just wanted to say that we are SO grateful that you came to visit us here at Huntsford. I know it must seem very plain and dull to a young woman like yourself, but we are so grateful that you condescended to come and visit nevertheless.” “Mr. Collins, do not worry yourself. I promise I had a wonderful time.” “Really?” “Truly.” With the exception of the awkward encounters with Mr. Darcy, but we aren’t going to discuss that. “Oh, we are SO GLAD to hear that. Of course, our connection with Rosings is nothing to be sniffed at. I flatter myself that you will be able to bring a very favorable report of our situation here to Hertfordshire. As you have seen, Charlotte and I are so VERY happy together. One might go so far as to say we are PERFECT for each other. DESTINED for one another. Mmm. Yes. So wonderfully happy in the bosom of marital bliss.” Mr. Collins coughs discretely. “How about you, Cousin Lizzie? Still single, are you?” Lizzie dreams of duct taping Mr. Collin’s mouth shut and locking him in one of his perfectly shelved closets. “That is to say, I can most cordially wish you equal felicitations in marriage, Cousin Elizabeth.” Lizzie once more expressed her sincere thanks and gave Mr. Collins and Charlotte her blessing, and with that awkward conversation over and done with, Lizzie and Maria made their way to Mr. Gardiner’s house, where they picked up Jane and from there, continued on their journey home, which, while not unpleasant, felt quite tedious to Lizzie, who longed to have a girl’s night with Jane over some Chunky Monkey ice cream to discuss Darcy’s proposal and the fact that Bingley might not be a creep after all! Chapter 39
After a decent chunk of visiting time with the Gardiners, the girls finally made their way to the inn where Mr. Bennett’s coach was to meet them, only to discover that Kitty and Lydia had come to meet them and were waiting in the dining room upstairs. “LIZZIE! You’re here! Are you surprised? I bet you’re surprised. Look! Kitty and I got a new bonnet! Also, we brought you food! Are we not mature and adult-ish? Are we not nice?” Wow, Lydia. That’s um… that’s lovely. I really—” “Feel free to tell us we’re the best sisters ever!” Kitty chimed in. Lydia stomped her foot. “Shut up Kitty, I’m trying to tell Lizzie about the bonnet!” “I don’t see why you have to tell all of the stories—” “My bonnet, my story.” Lydia stuck her tongue out at Kitty and brandished a puce bonnet that looked like vomit and defeat had joined forces to create unquestionable sadness. “Isn’t it horrifically ugly?” As all of her sisters agreed, Lydia continued “There were more bonnets in the shop much uglier than this one, but when I’ve repurposed this one with some satin and a nice ribbon it will at least be tolerable. Even then, it’s not what we’ll be wearing in the summer because the soldiers are leaving for Brighton in a fortnight. Do you think I can convince Papa to take us there for the summer? How rotten our summer shall be if we don’t have camps full of soldiers to dance with!” Lizzie and Jane shared a look. “I have MORE news Lizzie. It’s about a certain gentleman we both know! Guess!” “Hmm… Papa?” “No. You’re not being very inventive. Try again.” “Sir William?” “You’re rubbish at this. It’s Mr. Wickham!” Lizzie could feel her face draining of all color and a slight sense of panic coming over her. Lydia looked smug. “I thought that might get your attention. Big story: he’s not going to marry Mary King. Right?!? I know what you’re thinking: THANK GOD! Another eligible bachelor for the snatching! Or to drool over. I’m telling you Lizzie, Wickham got out of a very bad situation. Mary King has SO many freckles she looks like a leopard—” Lizzie made supportive noises of bemusement as she attempted to process this new information. With her newfound knowledge, she wouldn’t wish Wickham on anyone. It seemed a lucky escape for Miss King! But without her money, what would Wickham do next? Lydia and Kitty talked for the entire duration of the carriage ride home. Again, a welcome distraction from her thoughts of Darcy’s letter, even though the subject matter: soldiers, dances, and Lydia’s “newfound bestie forever” Mrs. Forester were not particularly intriguing to Lizzie. Less interesting was the fact that Lydia somehow brought Wickham up at least once every hour. Not ideal when he is the exact person Lizzie was trying to avoid thinking of. Luckily, they all made it home without any casualties. Mr. Bennett seemed quite pleased to see Lizzie, and she was pleased to discover that he was standing firm by refusing the Brighton proposal, in spite of Lydia’s best pleading face, much to the distress of Mrs. Bennet, Kitty, and especially Lydia. The Brighton drama meant the household was chaos, as usual. To the music of Lydia and Kitty’s whining exclamations of “But PaPA!” and her mother’s declarations that her poor nerves could not possibly handle how selfish her cruel husband was, Lizzie made her way to her bedroom, strangely comforted by the madness in the next room. There really is no place like home. This week's chapters were written by our very own Kylie Rose, who will be playing Lydia Bennet in our upcoming production! NEXT WEEK: To Expose or Not To Expose? (Wickham, that is) and Where do all the CRAZIEST parties happen in Regency England?? Das right, BRIGHTON BABY!!!!!! CHAPTER 35 What do you do when Mr. Darcy has totally blown your mind? Go on a stress walk. There’s nothing like country air and greenery to lift the spirits and clear the mind! Elizabeth thought to herself. Wait! What’s that behind that tree? It looks like a—man. Well as long as it’s not… nuts. It is. It’s Mr. Darcy. PERFECT. Just the person I wanted to avoid. Maybe he didn’t see me. Maybe if I hide behind this bush, he’ll go away. Maybe-- “Miss Bennet!” Oh poop. *Cue Elizabeth, attempting to nonchalantly claw her way out of a shrub* “Mr. Darcy—“ “I have been walking in this grove for some time in the hopes of meeting you. Please do me the honor of reading this letter.” Darcy hands her a thick envelope and abruptly stalks off. What the what? Curiosity tingling through her veins, Elizabeth tears open the letter with reckless abandon. What have we here? Bitterness? Kindness? Best to cease speculation and get the overthinking over with. Dear Madam, Fear not. I have no plans to make you vomit by bringing up the subject that was so abhorrent to you when we last met. This letter is purely to allow me to correct your understanding of my character and see that justice runs its due course. I stand accused of two things:
SO MUCH RAGE. SO MUCH. Ice princess indeed. You know nothing of my sister, you toolbag. NOTHING! Elizabeth fumed, but curiosity compelled her to keep reading. My further objections to their marriage include the very reasons I gave you last night; while the situation of your mother’s family is disagreeable, the total want of propriety betrayed by your mother, your three younger sisters, and even occasionally your father convinced me it was not a good match. I am sorry to offend you with these words, but you must consider that in this criticism also lies a compliment to both the elder Bennet sisters. Your grace and decorum amidst the chaos of your family render your conduct that much more exceptional. That aside, after observing your family that evening I was determined to save Binley from an unfavorable marriage. I do not regret any of the actions I have taken to this end, with the one exception of concealing your sister’s presence in London from him. That may have been a little too douche-y… But what I have done, was done for the best. I have nothing more to say and no further apologies to offer. As for the matter with Wickham, because I have no idea what he has specifically accused me of I can only refute his statements by giving you his whole history with my family. Wickham’s father was a good man, who worked on Pemberley estates. My father was so pleased with his service, that he bestowed his kindness upon Wickham, paying for him to attend Cambridge in the hopes that Wickham would make the church his profession. When my father died, he left Wickham a legacy of one thousand pounds and expressed his desire that I should promote his advancement and grant him a family living if his profession allowed for it. Wickham’s own father died soon after my own father. At this point, Wickham decided that rather than waiting for his inheritance, he would prefer a cash advance. He decided to study law. I hoped he was sincere, and since I was certain that he should NOT make the church his career, I granted him that request. I assumed that the matter was settled, and I wouldn’t have to worry myself with future dealings with Wickham. I did not hear from him for three years. When I did, go figure, the law ended up not being his calling and financially, he was in a bad way. However, I stood firm and told Wickham to be an adult and deal with his problems on his own. Unfortunately, his and my definitions of dealing with an issue as an adult differ. Now I express circumstances that I would sooner forget. My own sister was left to the guardianship of Colonel Fitzwilliam and myself. A year ago she was taken from school and an establishment was formed for her in London and last summer she went with the lady who presided over it, Mrs. Younge, to Ramsgate. Wickham also went. This was all according to his evil masterplan. He spent a great deal of time with Georgiana, and Mrs. Younge eventually convinced Georgiana that she was in love with Wickham and that the two should elope. My sister was but fifteen. A few days before the intended elopement I joined them unexpectedly. Georgiana confessed all, thank God. Obviously I couldn’t make a public spectacle of the matter, so I wrote to Mr. Wickham, who left immediately and Mrs. Younge was relieved of her charge. This is a full account of my dealings with Mr. Wickham. Should you require additional testimony, you may look to Colonel Fitzwilliam. If you hate me so much that my assertions hold no weight, you may rely upon him to tell you the truth of the matter. I shall endeavor to get this letter to you this morning. I will only add, God bless you. Fitzwilliam Darcy CHAPTER 36
With that, the “big news bombshell” letter had officially overwhelmed Elizabeth. She had so many feelings that she didn’t know what she felt, but inevitably they were burbling to the surface of her brain as she read Darcy’s words. His assertions regarding her sister left her wishing that his laundress would lose the mate to every single pair of his socks and that his shoes would forever give him blisters. He expressed no remorse for ruining her dearest sister’s happiness: To Lizzie’s mind, this was completely unforgivable. Then she read his account of Wickham, and the more that she read, the more it began to make sense, and frighteningly so She started by telling herself “This can’t be true. Darcy is full of lies. Even now, he’s doing his very best to ruin Wickham’s life and reputation. Once a scumbag, always a scumbag!” However, the mix of her experiences and Darcy’s accounts helped her to piece together a clearer understanding of Wickham’s character, and she began to see more of the monster behind the suave, well-spoken man in uniform. Wickham had been so convincing when he had spoken of how the Darcy family had treated him; Lizzie had been thoroughly taken in by his charms. Balderdash. She thought. If he had lied so easily to me, by all logic, Darcy’s story becomes more and more plausible. And yet… to Lizzie’s mind, the business regarding Miss Darcy did require confirmation from Colonel Fitzwilliam. Yet, the more she thought about how that conversation would begin, the more she realized that she had no desire to put either her or the Colonel through THAT awkwardness. Looking back on her first meeting with Wickham at Mr. Phillips, Lizzie was finally struck with the impropriety of Wickham’s confessions to her, when at that time she was a complete stranger to him. She realized that until Darcy left town, she was the only one who had heard Wickham’s account, but as soon as the Darcy family had left, the entire town had heard of how Wickham was “mistreated.” She then realized that she had been blinded by her first encounter with Wickham and had allowed his account to affect the manner in which she interacted with and perceived Darcy. Thinking of either gentleman left Lizzie uncomfortably aware of her own prejudices, vanity, pride, and absurd partiality. She began muttering to herself maniacally as she walked furiously through the countryside, obsessively poring over the letter. “I have been a complete jerk. I’m a huge jerk! I, who prided myself on my discernment… how humiliating! But now that I think about it, I probably deserved it... Love blinded me but it was my vanity that put the final nail in the coffin of my sense. I was pleased with the affection of one and displeased with being neglected by the other. Until this moment, I never knew myself.” She read and re-read the letter. Each line seemed to give her a new embarrassing epiphany regarding the conduct of herself and her family. Eventually, mind buzzing and feet weary, Lizzie made her way home, determined to fake cheerfulness for the sake of her family, only to discover that first Darcy, and then Colonel Fitzwilliam had called for her in her absence. Darcy had stayed only a few minutes, but Colonel Fitzwilliam had waited for her for at least an hour. Lizzie feigned regret at missing him, but truthfully, she was filled with relief. She had too much to process. The only thing she could think of was her letter. This week's chapters were written by Kylie Rose, who will be playing Lydia Bennet in our upcoming production. Read her bio here. NEXT WEEK: Further attempts to NOT strangle Mr. Collins while he rambles, and A Jangley Update! |